College: The Ever Impending Feelings

Here we go!! College is just around the corner. I have 4 days until move in and I couldn’t be any more excited, nervous, scared, and willing. I’m ready to go on this journey of self discovery and learning. This is going to be quite the change for me. I will be leaving home and going 3 hours away from home. I’m gonna miss my mom and my dog the most. They are literally my biggest fans. I’m excited for this new chapter in my life though. I’m ready to meet new people, learn new things, and learn more about myself. I also feel that I’m ready to deal with the friendships that I may lose from home as a result of leaving for college. There is one in particular that I feel like will definitely crumble and fall. Unfortunately, she is one of my best friends…. She doesn’t really care about anyone but herself and smoking weed. I’m not about that life. I’m like the exact opposite. I don’t wanna smoke weed. I also have a deep caring for others. I want to put everyone else above myself, which is also my character fault. I feel like an epic hero from Macbeth or Romeo and Juliet whose ultimate demise was there own flaws. I just need to learn how to shield myself from others who want to use me. I feel like I will learn this over time. I might learn it the hard way, and that is okay. I’m ready for this new adventure in my life, and I’m ready to document a lot of it right here on this blog.

Well world, Wish me luck on the new journey in my life!!

To Be or Not To Be?

Hey guys….. I guess I could be better. I just feel like everything in my world is falling apart.  My 2 best friends in the whole entire universe are currently fighting wth each other, my mom is sick, and I don’t know what to do. I just feel kind of lost. I’m trying to help save my friendships, but I don’t know if one of them is worth saving. One of them has changed so much and I’m not sure that I want to be a part of her life if she’s gonna keep acting like this. She doesn’t really take into consideration the feelings of others when she does things. She doesn’t try to get ahold of us like she does mason. If she really loved us and valued our friendship, she would try and reach out to us every once in awhile. She told me that the other one needed to stop overreacting and that if she truly knew her that she would know that she doesn’t really try with anyone, but that is complete crap! If she can make an effort to talk to her freaking boyfriend every day, she can make an attempt to at least talk to us at least once a week. I feel like that would appease me. I feel like she has pushed the other one too far away to even save their friendship. I feel like they can no longer be friends because they have just grown to be too different. I feel like that’s how I’m going to be too, but I don’t want that to happen just yet. I am not very happy with some of her life decisions right now, and I feel like that could just determine whether or not we are even going to be friends. I don’t think that we will make it through my first year of college unfortunately. I am going to try to save that friendship. I am going to be friends with the other one. I am not going to worry about it because it’s not my problem. I am going to enjoy the rest of my summer. I am going to strive to be the best person I can be. I am going to succeed in my first year of college. I can do anything I set my mind to.

Am I Wrong?

So…… I still think that I am hurt by the fact that both of best friends have boyfriends. I feel alone and unwanted. I am trying really hard to not let it bug me… But….. it’s just not working. I wish I could just not care, but its a natural need to be wanted and accepted. I just feel like I am dwelling too much on it and need to stop, but I don’t know how. They are literally my only 2 real friends that are around too. My other friend is in Europe for another week. I mean I hang out with my work friends, but I just feel like they get tired of me too. Okay…. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I need to stop feeling so pathetic too.  I am unsure of how to go about this. Wish me luck world! I know that I’ll need it.

Today: Accomplishing The Important Things That Tend to be Forgotten

Today I feel quite accomplished. I got so much done in my preparations for college! I took 2 bags of clothes to the thrift store, clean up in my room a little more and freed up a tote for me to use for move in. I started cleaning things out at the beginning of June because I knew that if I didn’t start then, I wouldn’t get anything done on time. I would’ve been scrambling to accomplish everything that I have in these last few weeks. I’m so proud of myself for getting all of these things done. I have a lot more done than most of my friends. The one with the boyfriend that 2 of my posts are about, yeah. She doesn’t have ANYTHING done! I’m like 3 steps ahead of her because when she’s not working she’s with her boyfriend. I had to supervise one of their dates the other day, and that wasn’t so bad. He’s really sweet to her and treats her correctly. I don’t know how long it will last though. I hope it lasts for her. She deserves the best and sweetest. I just hope I meet the right person when I go to college, and I don’t mean some freshman. I mean someone who is serious about wanting to get to know everything about me. I’m so excited to open this new chapter of my life! I know there will be sadness and fear, but I’m ready to see where this journey takes me in life! Wish me luck internet!!

Job: The Epicenter of My Dislike

Today is my first day back to work in like a week. I have been on vacation for a week. I am not looking forward to going back. I hate my job. I work at our local Dairy Queen, and it makes my life a living hell. I hate the job, and I don’t much care for the owner either. I have been there the longest of all the managers my age. I still get paid WAY less than them, and I’ve asked for a raise like 3 times so far this summer. I am sick and tired of being the low man on the totem poll even though I have the most seniority. I only have like a month left there though. I can do it. At least, I hope I can do it. My sanity has been tested so much there the last few months. I am so done with the crappy job, rude bosses, and inconsiderate jerks that work there with me as well.I hope that things get better my last month there. If not, I may just have to quit a little sooner than I thought I was going to. Wish me luck world because I’m gonna need it.

Ridiculous: Yes or No?

Everyone around me is so excited for the rest of their lives. I mean, I’m excited fir the rest of my life, but I’m still nervous at the same time. I’m trying really hard to be okay with it. It’s just that I think I’m leaving everyone I love and care about behind. I know that that is not true though. It just pops up in my head. I am, however, getting used to not seeing my friends on a regular basis. Two if them have boyfriends and are always with them it seems like. The one has only been with her boyfriend for a week, and they have already told each other that they love each other….. That’s concerning to me. They have literally been together for a week. A WEEK! There is no way that they can just love each other already. I don’t want her to 1. do something she regrets or 2. move WAY too fast. I just feel like they are not gonna last. I want them to last because this is her first boyfriend, but at the same time they’ve crossed some serious lines. She let him give her a hickey already. Let me tell you, this girl is one of the most conservative and undereducated person about these things. I have to give her advice 99% of the time. Yet, she’s moving at the speed of light with this kid. I worry about her a lot. My third best friend is currently in Europe for 2 weeks. I miss her a ton, and she’s my other single friend. We have gotten so close in the last year. We are gonna miss each other so much when we leave. I want nothing but the best for my friends. Am I being ridiculous?

To be happy or sad?

That moment, when everyone else around you is happy. What do you do? You try really hard to move on from it. You pretend like nothing is wrong and try to move on. You try to make happy memories with and without them. You try not to let the fact that all your friends have boyfriends bug you. You try to make it seem like you aren’t losing all of your friends. You try not to fall into a depression. You try and try to pull yourself out of it. You can do this. YOU CAN DO THIS!! You are string. You are beautiful. You are worth WAY more than you think you are. You can do anything you set your mind to. You can be anything you want to be. All you have to do, is be you, and you will find someone that loves you for you. You may not find it until you are a couple years into college, but that’s okay. Do not rush anything you are not comfortable with, and don’t hate on your best friend because she got a boyfriend before you. You taught her everything she knows. Do not let this bug you. It’s okay to feel upset and betrayed for a few moments, and then, it’s time to buck up and be happy. That is your best friend after all. You can’t let her happiness get in the way of your friendship. You should try and be as happy for her as possible. I mean, she is your best friend after all.